A Harsh Argument
by Vondrakenhof
Summary: Just a quick story exploring how it would be if JK Rowling had written the books with the characters swearing as much as real teenage boys do. Set during OotP and rated for language.


Harry climbed the stairs to the fifth year dormitory with his fingers rubbing his temples, trying to will his headache away. He needed to relax and he figured a game of chess with Ron might help. He'd yet to win but it would at least distract him. Opening the door he found the dormitory empty except for Seamus who was tying his shoes. Harry bit down on his irritation.

"Hey," he said, causing Seamus to look up at him with a scowl. "Where's Ron?"

"He's up me arse pickin' daisies," Seamus replied, his voice dripping with scorn and sarcasm. "How the fuck should I know? I'm not his fuckin' ma."

Irritation overflowed into anger. Harry stormed into the dormitory, walking right up to Seamus and pointing his finger in his face. "Fuck you, you Paddy bastard," he spat. "I was only asking a bloody question!"

"Get the feck out of my face, Potter!" Seamus snapped, bolting up to look Harry in the eye. "Not everyone thinks you're the damned Golden Boy anymore and I sure as shit ain't gonna treat you like one!"

"You're a right cunt, Seamus, you know that?" Harry hissed, letting all the venom that had been building up since he'd gotten back to Hogwarts slip into his voice. "You sure you're Mum didn't want you back here because of me or because she didn't want to inflict your shitty self on others?"

"You prick! Don't mention me Mam!" Seamus shouted, lashing out with a right hook. It caught Harry on the chin, causing him to stagger back with surprise. But he'd been hit before and recovered quickly, drawing his wand on Seamus just as the Irish boy was doing the same. Harry began the movements to perform a Jelly-legs jinx when a dark hand grabbed his wrist and pointed it at the ceiling.

"What the fuck is going on here?" yelled Dean who had suddenly put himself between the two of them. He looked between Harry and Seamus before shaking his head. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Both of you, calm your fucking tits. Three other lads live here you know, we don't need you two fucking the place up!"

"He was havin' another go at me Mam!" Seamus protested.

"I was having a go at you, you gobshite!" Harry pointed out, yanking his arm away from Dean and lowering his wand. He didn't put it away though. "But I'll have a go at anyone who thinks I've been lying about all the shit that's been going on!"

"You're nothin' but an attention seeking glory hog, of course you're fuckin' lying!" Seamus retorted.

"Shut the fuck up!" Harry roared, livid, moving forward only to be blocked by Dean again. "You haven't a fucking clue what you're talking about!"

"Guys," a timid voice said from the dormitory entrance. Neville stood there holding his mimbulus mimbletonia, looking worried. "Maybe everyone should just calm dow-"

"Stay out of this Neville!" Harry and Seamus snapped in unison.

Neville frowned. "Fine," he huffed, turning to leave. Harry could have sworn he heard him mutter the word "wankers" under his breath before he disappeared down the stairs.

"Harry, you know I have nothing against you," Dean began in an attempt at a calming voice. It wasn't working. "But if you start a fight against Shay I'm going to be on his side. So put your wand away." He turned his head. "You too, Seamus."

Neither boy moved. Harry was shaking. "I haven't lied about a damned thing, Seamus," he said quietly.

"You're spreadin' stories about an evil psychopath coming back from the dead to scare people," said Seamus. "It's sick."

"People need to be scared," Harry retorted. "They need to be prepared. Voldemort's back!" He ignored the flinch from his dorm-mates. "He murdered Cedric!"

"Piss off!" Seamus scoffed. "How do we know you didn't kill Diggory so you'd win the cup?"

Harry snapped. His vision filled with red, his ears with the sound of his blood rushing through them. He snarled and raised his wand, ready to stun Seamus into a coma.

"WHAT THE BUGGERING FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" shouted Ron from the entrance to the dorm. Everybody froze, Harry with his wand in the air, Seamus with his half-raised and Dean with his hand in his pocket, obviously grasping his own wand. Seamus recovered first.

"There!" he yelled, pointing at Ron. "There's your sodding boyfriend now so you can stop bothering me!"

Harry scowled. "Fuck you, Seamus," he said before walking out of the dormitory, dodging Ron at the door. He seethed all the way down the staircase and marched straight to the couch by the common room fire, scattering a group of first years in his way. He collapsed on the couch with his head in his hands, his headache so much worse than when he'd gone up to the dorm. A few minutes later he felt someone sit down next to him.

"Seamus is fucking pillock, Harry," said Ron. He waited a moment before continuing: "He also thinks that just because he wants to suck Dean's dick that all best mates are like that."

Harry moved his hands just enough to spot the half smirk on Ron's face and snorted. He punched Ron lightly on the shoulder, throwing his head back to rest on the back of the couch. He groaned. "I'm so fucking done with this year mate, I swear to fucking Merlin," he groused.

"I hear you," said Ron. He rolled his neck with an audible pop. "Fancy a game of chess?"

Harry smiled for the first time all day. "Yeah. Cheers Ron."


End file.
